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The Taos News mailed to your out of state residence every week for 26 weeks! Plan includes unlimited website access and e-edition print replica online. Your auto pay plan will be conveniently renewed at the end of the subscription period. You may cancel at anytime.
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Scattered thunderstorms in the morning, then mainly cloudy during the afternoon with thunderstorms likely. High 74F. Winds SSW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 60%..
Cloudy early with partial clearing expected late. A stray shower or thunderstorm is possible. Low 52F. Winds ESE at 5 to 10 mph.
Dr. Ted Wiard stands in front of Golden Willow Retreat’s capilla, a chapel built by some of Wiard’s homeschooled kids, at the retreat center in Arroyo Hondo.
Dr. Ted Wiard stands in front of Golden Willow Retreat’s capilla, a chapel built by some of Wiard’s homeschooled kids, at the retreat center in Arroyo Hondo.
The Taos News has committed to implementing a weekly column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.
Over the past few years, I have had many losses from the death of loved ones, COVID-19 and changes in my personal life. This last year has seen a change with an uncertain feeling of stability in which many of these losses seem to be wanting more emotional attention than when they happened. Why is it right when I am feeling more stable my internal emotional foundation seems to be rumbling?
There are so many losses in many different types of situations and stories. COVID-19 almost feels like it caused a barrier in most peoples’ emotional healing due to being caught in continuous loss and trauma. As people are feeling less concerned with the pandemic, there seems to be a bit of a respite from constant panic and fear. Even though this pandemic continues to linger and rise in cases, many people seem more apathetic, exhausted from two-and-a-half years of illness, death and restrictions on normal life.
A feeling of safety, false or real, allows your emotional world to feel safer and move out of survival mode. When this happens, your emotions may need to discharge or release what has been held inside during survival mode. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs demonstrates the need to "scaffold" from one stage to another as you feel safe and begin to heal.
This flow begins with your physiological needs (food, shelter, water and air). As that foundation is solidified, you move into safety needs (getting out of danger emotionally and physically). With safety you move to a place of belonging in which you find like-minded people or others that understand what you're going through. Through that connection, your self-esteem increases, intellectual needs start to be satisfied and aesthetic needs are met. Understanding of yourself and the world around you also begins to improve, leading to transcendence or a spiritual connection of safety and service. At the same time, with time and remaining conscious of your losses, you start to scaffold to a place where you spend less and less time caught in a trauma state or feeling confined and defined by your loss or losses. Slowly and at its own individualized time, the frequency, intensity and duration of your loss start to shift.
At the beginning, you may find yourself totally engulfed in the story of your loss and the emotional dysregulation running most of your decisions, actions and non-actions. As the frequency, intensity and duration of the loss decreases, there is more room for joy, gratitude, service and spirituality — with less anguish and futility. You know you are able to start to absorb more of the world around you with fewer triggers of your loss. You are not able to rush the process, but you are able to stay conscious with your healing process. You begin to focus your attention on self-care, cognitive understanding, avoiding addictive tendencies and working toward balancing and maintaining the four quadrants of healthy living: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. With these four quadrants as your foundation, you are able to set your scaffolding of Maslow’s hierarchy as well as your internal infrastructure to allow a higher quality of life and heal and grow from historical and present losses in your life.
Until next week, stay safe and take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat at gwr@newmex.com or call at 575-776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat.org.
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